Lice Lice Baby

Our family was recently taken down by a nasty mob of head lice. I managed to make it 6 years into my parenting journey lice-free- that is, until this week.

Recently my hubby overheard a few moms at school talking about lice. We weren’t too alarmed, because it was in another classroom, and Adriana shouldn’t be affected by it.  Or, so we thought. I hadn’t seen any signs of bugs, scratching, or discomfort , so we were in the clear. Wrong!

You know there is never a good time for head lice but why do these traumatic events always have to happen on the busiest of days? The morning was going smoothly, I woke up early, we were running on time and everyone was cooperating. I should have known right there I was doomed.

I heard my husband yelling for me as he brushed Addison’s hair and out of nowhere those buggers appeared! My poor baby’s scalp was scabbed and bleeding as I watched in horror. Live bugs, crawling. Barf!

Off to the pediatrician we go. Sadly, we were just there the week before, as the entire family was diagnosed with bronchitis. We are frequent flyers at that office, so I suggested they start a rewards program. I LOVE our pediatrician, but if I must see her face more than twice in a week I want a coupon. It could be as simple as , see us twice in a week, get your third appointment free.  Maybe a $5 Starbucks gift card? Better yet, they could have a moms’ lounge where we could go to recharge during appointments. I mean help a sister out!

Our pediatrician performed the lice check and began to give me detailed instructions on how to fix this. Whoa, have you met me? I am no do it your selfer. I am calling a pro. I don’t have time for guessing games. I’m like Eminem and I’ve got one shot to get this right. As I was checking out I heard a familiar voice. It was my bestie yelling at me from the sick room.

“What are you in for?” I asked. “ Strep” she replied. We both laughed. I mean, you have to, right, or we would be on the floor in fetal positions crying. Ironically, we had plans to meet for adult beverages that same evening, which were now over. So at least I got to catch up with her while we were in quarantine together.

As I pulled out of the parking lot I phoned my new friend, The Lice Queen. Thank the Lord for her. Back in the ‘80’s”, my poor mom had to put me out in the driveway with a comb and a magnifying glass.

She picked up the phone immediately and was at my house within the hour. I got smart and pulled my older child out of school early and my husband came home as well. Suddenly, I was channeling Oprah- you get a lice check, you get a lice check, lice checks for everyone in the audience!

We were all positive for lice except my husband. His daily helmet of man gel and styling wax spared him from the infestation. I held my little one still for over two hours as The Lice Queen painstakingly combed through every strand. She was amazing, I could never do what she did. My kids do not listen or follow my directions. If I was home alone to battle the lice, we would all still be sitting in the kitchen combing each other’s hair out right now. 

After hours of detailed extraction, we were declared lice-free, at least from our heads. I was left with a list of follow-up instructions to de-funk my house. That’s when the fun really begins, but it certainly isn’t my kind of all-nighter.

If this ever happens to you, I highly recommend partnering with a seasoned professional. It’s worth the peace of mind knowing that your kiddos are hitting the pillow without any hitchhikers.

By the way, my husband is sleeping soundly as I write this, and I am on laundry load #67!