Being Better Than the Bully
Last year my older daughter met her bully. I may have been in denial and downplayed this a bit in the beginning. How serious can this be in the first grade? I thought maybe it’s just an isolated incident. My Ella is tender hearted and sometimes can internalize a comment that was meant to be playful. I decided to really listen and ask questions in effort to determine what was happening. As the year progressed, she came home every single day with a new story of how this classmate we will call Kate, was cruel to her. Although I heard stories daily It didn’t really hit home for me until school picture day.
Ella chose the beach scene as her photo background and we bought her a super cute floral sundress to coordinate with the theme. Of course, the weather was like forty degrees on picture day so I tried to convince her to wear something else, but she wouldn’t budge. I gave in and let her wear the dress.
As I drove her to school, she said to me, “Now Kate will have to admit I’m pretty because I look so beautiful today”. In that moment, my heart shattered into a million pieces. At the age of six my baby was judging her self-worth based on what others thought of her. Her wardrobe choice was for the mean girls. Guess What? Kate still told her she was ugly.
I stopped everything to tell my baby about all the wonderful things that make her unique and special. I reminded her that the only thing that matters is how she feels about herself. My child is not going through life thinking she isn’t good enough because of some jerk on the playground. She will be strong, confident and know her value because she is a smart, caring and kind person.
As I consulted my fellow momma bears for advice, I found out that four of Ella’s friends were also being bullied by different kids. Her friends are being bullied on the bus, pushed off monkey bars for being too small, teased for looking different, kicked at recess, bullied into doing homework for others etc. I was shocked because I thought this was only happening to my daughter. These girls are now in the second grade. They are SEVEN!!! How and why is this happening at such a young age? I remember mean kids when I was growing up but not to this extent. My mother’s advice was to always “kill them with Kindness” and for the most part that did work. However, that is not the reality we live in now kids seem to be vicious.
My daughter should be drawing unicorns and dreaming of mermaids. Instead she is bracing herself for how to deal with a bully at recess. We send our kids to school to learn, to make friends, to play and to feel safe. I just read a story about an eight-year-old boy in Texas who was beaten unconscious by three boys and for what? So, they could steal stuff from his backpack.
When I think about how we got to this place as a society it paralyzes me with sadness and fear. What will it be like for our children when they are teenagers? How will I keep my girls from becoming a statistic? I worry about bullies, cyber bullies, teen suicide and how I will protect my kids from being victims.
As an adult, I know I can control my mindset and my behavior. I can give Ella and Adriana the tools and support they need to problem solve and push through life’s challenges, but will it be enough? As parents we can either be the problem or the solution. Hate breeds hate. We are raising the next generation of humanity. It isn’t enough to just model good behavior for our children and hope for the best. We must choose to be less distracted and more engaged in their lives. We must be the change we want to see in the world by actively teaching kindness, compassion and acceptance for every person.