Germophobes, Unite

I was a germophobe long before hand-washing awareness emerged amid the coronavirus pandemic.

It all started when I became a parent. There is nothing like a tiny defenseless human to heighten your awareness of safe and sanitary conditions. I remember my first trip to a  public restroom as a mother of two. Adriana was a newborn and Ella was three. I was on maternity leave and took both girls to an appointment followed by lunch. As soon as we sat down to eat, I heard the words, “Mommy, I have to go potty.” I had no choice but to pack everything up, leave lunch behind and take them both to the bathroom.

I grabbed the handicap stall so I could roll in the stroller. I layered the toilet seat with paper liners and gently placed Ella on it. I put the baby on the changing table as most multi-tasking moms would, and just as I began to change her, Ella hopped of the toilet and tried to escape.

Whoa, no you don’t. Pull up your pants, wash your hands and wait for me.

She didn’t listen. I held the bathroom door shut with my leg extended across the stroller and my foot on the handle. I changed Adriana while hopping on one foot as Ella army crawled under the stall. My heart rate was up, beads of sweat dripping down my face. This was my first official workout as a mother of two. I am pretty sure taking multiple kids to the bathroom could qualify as an Olympic sport.

Now they are older, but it isn’t less stressful. I dread hearing that they have to go to the bathroom when we are out and about. I am the mom you may hear yelling, “Keep your hands to yourself, don’t touch anything" while one kid is caressing the trash can and the other is licking the floor. Don’t they understand the bathroom is dirty?

The girls touch the trash can, open cabinet doors, bend over with their palms touching the floor to look underneath the next stall, slide off their flips-flops and walk around barefoot. Occasionally, I find them getting a blowout underneath the hand dryer.

All of it freaks me out. Sometimes, they narrate the entire experience, leaving nothing to the imagination. Like any good coach, I tell them to focus and that the potty is not a playground.

Now that the world has been forced stay at home and obsess about cleanliness and consistent hand-washing habits, I feel a little less alone. Germaphobes, unite.